Unrequited Love of the Married Kind

Unrequited Love

For years I have been giving from the heart and feeling disappointed when the man I married takes everything I do for granted. I enrolled in Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness program and I am using what I learn on my husband of almost 3 years. We separated back in May. Found out he has been womanizing during the separation and I spoiled one of his affairs. The "other" woman called me and told me she wasn't even aware he was married because he had told her he was single. During the time of his affair, he told me he wanted to work things out with me, that he loved me. So needless to say, I was quite confused, bewildered, and deeply hurt.

I haven't ever denied him the things he loves, skis, skiing, beer, sex, hanging out with his friends. But I found myself being left behind when he went out with his friends. He refused to come to my own family gatherings for the holidays, although sometimes he would show up, hours later.

I still love my husband. After all is said and all that he has done, I don't understand why I don't hate him. Why I don't despise him. I am still very much in love with him. I miss him terribly. I pray for him every day and night. That his heart will be softened.

Some of the things I have learned and implemented from the Marriage Fitness program are:
*talk charges
*touch charges (when I see him)
*sending gifts (to his apartment and his work)

He has responded favorably to them all, and has even called me to shoot the breeze. He took a Saturday morning to fix the brakes on my car. When I asked if I could hug him, he said "yes" but he was doing most of the caressing. Am I wrong to get my hopes up? I so want to have that strong intimate relationship with him. How do I do it without feeling taken for granted?

Mort Fertel says "fake it til you make it". My heart sinks whenever I hear he's not in a good mood, or that he needs to hang up so soon. Or I get his voicemail.

Anyone out there who is experiencing something similiar? Any suggestions on how to win his heart back? (I don't know how I lost it to begin with when I thought I was giving him everything he desired).